So I’m a writer… {wait…what?!} Truth be told, I write things. Not as a profession, but …
writing
simply tuesday
We celebrated our anniversary this weekend. It’s been eight years for us now. We didn’t do what people would normally think of for an anniversary…no fancy dinner, no big gifts or surprises, no night out on the town all done up in our rock star clothes. Instead we drove 11.5 hours to North Carolina for a book release party for an author I love. {insert crickets} This is where the awkward silence happens…where crickets chirp because no one really knows how to respond to that…lol.
Sounds fun, right? I’ve heard it a few times in the voices of friends and family…”so what are you doing exactly…what is this for? Is this a work thing? Did you stop anywhere else along the way? Did you go out to dinner?”Nope. None of those things. We ate fast food for most of the trip, and I wore the same clothes home that I wore there. {gasp!} But I tell you what my dear ones, it might have been the best anniversary weekend we’ve ever had. There were no expectations. No reasons to fuss. Just us, in a car, in our comfy clothes, singing a little Poison and having the best conversations about our dreams, our God, our smallness.
That’s a big part of the reason we made the trip to North Carolina. God’s been teaching us our smallness. It’s been unfolding for us over the last year or so. You know, thru life altering, soul shattering moments of the hard and the good and the every day. I think it’s fair to say we used to chase after life. It’s like we were trying to get there. Wherever “there” was. Because that’s where real life would start. Right? That’s when we’d feel full and accomplished and like we were ENOUGH.
But that way of thinking has been blown out of the water by ventilators and hospitals and heart defects. We don’t look too far ahead, we try not to chase life. We don’t always win that battle either. But like I’ve said before, we have these new eyes now. We see differently. We look at leaves on trees and shake our heads at their glory. We wear tool belts at work even when it’s not necessary…we take pictures of hard hats and steel mills because we know we might not always get to…we savor the opportunity to work hard. We’re present in the moment in ways we never were before. We pound our fists and raise our hands and sing to our God and know in 10 minutes we could be standing there in glory with Him…hands raised…forever.
Life is short. Shorter than we realized. It’s always been. We are a mist. MIST, people. The every day is a gift and there is so much there…so so much. You just have to slow your pace, open your hearts and look for it.
Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.James 4:14
And by the way, we’re not facing death. We’re not dying in 10 minutes, there’s nothing that serious going on. But that doesn’t mean we’re not living like it. It’s a small-moment perspective as Emily P. Freeman would say. One that might sound sad and dreary because it’s about being small and embracing it…but for us, it’s not like that. It’s more like the lottery. ? And guess what, we won! Yeah, we might be carrying around a bucket of the hard stuff, and it’s heavy…and more than a little annoying. But it pales in comparison to the sea of joy we experience loving the little things like trees and leaves and tool belts. Because really…life could be like it was before. Pretty. And easy. Derek could have a perfect heart and could be strong and run and push hard like he so badly wants to…but the holes would be in our souls then, not our bodies. We wouldn’t have these eyes. I choose these eyes. And I know he would too.So when I read a book like Simply Tuesday and am reminded to boast in my weaknesses and live small … it just makes sense to drive across the country to celebrate it. Emily’s words resonate with me. It’s pretty much what we’ve been living and breathing, but she connects the dots for us like we couldn’t have done on our own. One of my favorite parts of her book…
Jesus taught his disciples to pray for daily bread, the kind we can’t carry into tomorrow. Looking to the future may give meaning to my work, but I have to be careful not to look to the future to find meaning for my life. There is a daily-ness to my work, a small-moment perspective that whispers for me to connect with the work in my right-now hands, not because it’s going to become something Big and Important, but because Someone who is Big and Important is here, with me, in me, today.Emily P. Freeman
What we’ve been learning is that the package will never be complete my friends. The nice and tidy, money having, skinny life of our dreams will never make us whole. It fills our eyes, our pride, but it will never fill our souls. Our souls were made by God and for God. And THAT is what we long for. I am enough…Derek is enough…YOU are enough…because HE is more than enough. When the Father looks at me, He sees Christ. He sees perfection. I can rest there. We all can.
The truth is…we don’t need to get “there”…we can live free and full right here. With broken heart valves and all. We don’t know how many days we have on this earth. None of us do. All of our futures are unknown. So I say right here, wherever you are…look for the good. Look for the only real Good there is…look for GOD. And you’ll start finding joy in what you have, in where you are, with what’s right in front of you.
End rant. 🙂
Here are some pictures from my two North Carolina trips to the Nester’s Barn. One was for a Cozy Minimalist event The Nester was having…and the other to celebrate the release of Emily’s new book Simply Tuesday. And these two ladies are the real deal by the way. They are genuine and kind and crazy talented. They write and create and give glory to God.
{Prepare to swoon}
*photos by myself, my hubby, and fellow Cozy Minimalist’s Kirsten Thompson and MJ Taylor
light thru the trees
Sometimes when I’m sitting outside I catch a glimpse of the sun peeking at me thru the trees. It’s one of my most favorite things in this world, this light shining thru trees thing. The moment it catches my eye, I take a deep breath and my heart smiles full and wide. And I’m reminded that God is here. Twinkling thru the seemingly big and small that surrounds us. Offering hope and light and enough to me right where I am.
It’s been quiet around here. I haven’t been writing much. Summer has been in full force, and we’ve been busy hitting the beach and riding bikes and sometimes even just lying around in the yard staring up at the trees. Planning some days, and going and doing, but mostly just trying to keep our kids content with the small things around here.
A month or so ago I got a call from Jennie Allen’s camp to share my anything story….to go live on a video podcast and answer a few questions about last year and all that God did for and in us when Derek fell ill. I remember being in shock when I first read the message. But I didn’t hesitate to say yes…which is surprising if you know me at all.
And then…after being inspired and awed and used by God…I shut down. I hid. I quit writing. I think I was afraid of what might come next. Lots of people starting visiting my blog. And my comfort zone was off the radar. To put it plainly, I’m my worst critic. I’m hard on myself about being out here. There are so many blogs and writers and talented people doing big things. I have hard time seeing where I fit into all that. I don’t want to “try” to do or be anything. I want to be me.
He fills in my empty spots, and I belong here writing because of Him. He makes me enough. I don’t need to fear the next big thing God asks me to do. Because just like the last time, He will give ALL that is needed, WHEN it is needed.
“I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth.” Isaiah 42:16
He is the God that makes my rough places smooth. {Oh.thank.goodness}.
just say YES
I write a lot of blog posts, but I publish very few. There seems to be this constant narrative in my heart. It’s something I fight, probably daily. Finding the time to sit here and willingly tap away at these keys is hard for me. [Emphasis on willingly.] I’ve been blogging for a good six years, mostly just about my kids, and it’s never been something I’ve thought twice about. My tone is usually lighthearted and dipped ever so slightly in sarcasm. It fits. It’s easy. Our life is messy and funny and somehow still not at all interesting…so the sarcasm helps 🙂 But slowly, God has been doing something with this blog and with me. I’ve been opening up about my heart and my walk with the Lord. And THAT has not been easy.
A few years ago I felt a small nudge to take a chance and use these gifts I’ve been given. To write to encourage…to point people to Him. To be open and real about what God was really doing in this life and heart of mine. It was spotty…but here and there I ventured to share my faith on this blog. And then earlier this year when Derek got horribly sick, the flood gates opened so to say, and my heart spilled out. And the small voice I was hearing turned into a megaphone…and I could no longer keep my heart quiet and safe in the comfortable. You see, I have this icky part about me. People pleasing. It has something to do with wanting to be liked and pride. With people who know me – I have no problem sharing truth and challenging them and being true to who I really am. But in public, in work, on social media…I tend to be someone who doesn’t like to step on toes or offend…who will gladly hold my tongue about my faith to be liked, to be cool, to blend in. [ew]. But God used those hard times and desperate moments when Derek was sick to tear me wide open and change that about me…hopefully forever. And so here I am, trying to listen to this strange calling and write and share and be uncool. There is a story here, one that I know the Lord is asking me to tell. And no, it’s not earth shattering, not by any means. And I think, in part, that’s what makes this so hard. I realize that I’m not a writer or a preacher or that person who comes up with those lists…you know…like 10 things you need to do this year or 5 things you should never say to your kids. Those are great, but those are not me. My story unfolds daily. I’m not polished, and I don’t have intentions here for online greatness and fame and thousands of followers. I’m much more comfortable with the opposite. I’d rather be quiet, unwritten and unread. But God has other plans for this life of mine. This I know.
I’ve been reading Love Does by Bob Goff. I bought two copies, then I got two more from some dear friends as gifts. I think it’s fair to say God wants me reading this book! I don’t believe in coincidences. I believe in a sovereign God, one who works in the every day, thru these things we’re more comfortable calling “coincidences” than God working. So when four copies of a book end up on my doorstep, I know it’s time to start reading it 🙂
Bob’s stories…oh they’re good. Grab a copy if you can…or borrow one of mine…lol. Last night I finished the chapter JUST SAY YES. It’s definitely inspiring me to say yes to what God is asking me to do…”to lean in toward what is unfolding and say yes”. That’s probably one of the reasons I’ll take a chance and hit the publish button on this blog post today.
Am I the right guy? I don’t know, but I’m the guy being asked, and the last thing I want to do is miss an opportunity or make God mad, so I just keep saying yes. Maybe God is doing some inexplicable things in your life. Each of us gets to decide every time whether to lean in or step back–to say yes, ignore it, or tell God why He has the wrong person. {Bob Goff}
Bob was referencing Moses before this little morsel. How God chose Moses to lead, but Moses didn’t think he was the guy to do it because he’s clearly not the best talker, he stutters even…there are obviously better guys for the job. But are there? Are there better people for the tasks God is asking you or me to do? Hmmmm. That hits this girl hard.
So why not take a chance and step into some unfamiliar territory if God is leading you there. [I’m telling myself this as I write this to you…but please, feel free to join in]. That’s how we grow, right? Taking steps into the unknown and uncomfortable grows us and stretches us in the best ways.
This got me thinking about this year and where God has taken me. He’s always doing something in us…always. Have you ever considered this? A lot of people are making resolutions right now about the year ahead. I’m sure I’ll even throw a few around, it’s not too hard after reading this post to guess what mine will be. But before I get to that, I’m challenging myself to look back at this year and where I’ve been…jotting a few notes down about what’s been hard, what I’ve failed at, what God has taught me, how I’ve been blessed, how I’ve been humbled. Reflection. Sometimes we need a good dose of that before we go running ahead into new territory. So I’m opening books I’ve read and going thru the notes I’ve written and things I’ve highlighted to see what I’ve learned. Taking note of both the rich times and finding beauty and truth among the weedy spots.
What if we all did this even in the most simplest of ways…trying our best to hold on and put into practice the things we’ve already learned. Instead of reading more books or diving into more theology and ladder climbing to “grow”…what if we just tried doing some of things we already know about. Like even the little things, which always seem to be the big things at the end of the day anyway. Like loving the messed up people in our lives. Or maybe extending some undeserved grace. Hmmmm. Things I already know about, but don’t always put into practice. All this reminds me of one of my favorites from this year…a quote from One Thousand Gifts…
I used to think that God’s gifts were on shelves one above the other, and that the taller we grew in Christian character the easier we should reach them. I find now that God’s gifts are on shelves one beneath the other, and that it is not a question of growing taller but of stooping lower, and that we have to go down, always down, to get His best gifts. {Ann Voskamp, 1000 Gifts}
See! This reflection thing is like magic. It’s been taking me to the best places.
Give it a try. In a way, it inspires me to live FULLY here and NOW…way more than any resolution would. Resolutions look ahead, they set goals. And they are a welcomed part of the New Year. But reflection…reflection looks back. It soaks in. It’s a way to wrap up the package of what was, take hold of it, and use it to make what lies ahead richer.
on pause again
I think that best describes the last month for us. On pause. We were trucking …
babygora = thegoralife
Well, as most of you already know, our family has sort of been “missing” from …