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{ LIGHT }

Light

I wonder if I’ll ever see it the same again.

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“Light dispels darkness. Darkness cannot remain where there is light.”

I heard Chuck Swindoll speak those words a few months ago on the radio, and they’ve been ringing in my ears and heart ever since.  A simple quote I guess. But one that’s changed the way I see the world around me. And oddly enough, I’ve tried so hard not to write about this. Mainly because I write about my faith in the every day, not to interpret the deep things of God. Not that this is super deep by any means. It’s just different than what I normally put out here. But I can’t escape it. I bump into quotes on Instagram about light and suddenly I’m fist bumping and commenting like I know these people (oh yes, that was me). And then I find myself in conversations with dear friends who just so happen to be studying and reading about guess what — light. I turn on the radio, I hear a sermon, a podcast — and yep. LIGHT.

So, ok GOD. Point taken. This is going to be long. It’s probably going to be all over the place. But stick with me. I’m hoping it will be worth the read by the end.

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LIGHT. It’s all around us, you know. We flip switches and it comes or goes. We wake up in the morning and it’s pouring through our windows and stretching across our yards. It’s part of our every day, and yet I wonder if we really appreciate it…if we’ve really ever given it any thought. It’s like we live in this world, accepting the “knowns”, the “givens”, the natural “laws” of the universe, and even as believers, we forget what or who they point to. The very majesty they mirror. We take them for granted, don’t we? I know I do.

I’ve been learning that light is more than what I’ve known it to be. More than the sun and moon and stars; more than a combination of electrical and magnetic fields. It’s something so specific, so beautiful, so necessary that it was the first thing ever described as good in the Bible. And since it was made by God, I say we start there.

And God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light. God saw that the light was good, and he separated the light from the darkness. God called the light “day,” and the darkness he called “night.” Gen 1:3

One of the most fascinating facts about the science of universe is that it’s constant. There’s a pattern that nature obeys without exception (paraphrased from Cosmologist Sean Carroll). The sun rises every morning. “Your coffee left on a counter will always become cool. Gravity remains steady, never random. The speed of light remains constant. The earth rotates in 24 hours. (This is so precise, we know the year we need to add a leap-second to our world clock, to keep it current.)” (taken from this article) The world we live in is precise. It’s orderly. It’s never changing. Just like God, it’s creator.

That’s something that grips my heart. I’ve read it in my bible, I’ve sung it in songs. Our God does not change. He made a universe that reflects his glory, his character, his beauty. Just crazy. That’s why I’m so gut punched by light right now. I SEE Him in it. Our world is more than physical my friends. There is a spiritual world here…woven into every fiber of leaf, dirt, sun and sky we pass by every day. It calls to us. Beckons to be seen. But we pass right by it. It’s like since the fall of man, we can only see the physical world, not the spiritual. Our souls refuse it. We stiff-arm God. Nope. That’s just the sun. It makes me hot sometimes. It makes me tan. It’s bright. Where are my sunglasses? DUH.

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We miss the spiritual connection. Take this fact for instance. Science tells us there is nothing faster than the speed of light. I’ve read that it measures the same speed (186,000 miles per second) whether coming out of my son’s flashlight or a star galaxies far away. The same super fastness. Great, right? But what if it also applies to the spiritual sense as well? Let me give you two examples. And remember what light does according to good ole’ Chuck Swindoll…

Light dispels darkness. Darkness cannot remain where there is light…

Physical: My son is afraid of the dark. He turns on his light. The light sends the darkness packing. His fears are put at ease.

Spiritual: Are you in the midst of dark circumstances? Does darkness cloud your days? The light of the world is at your fingertips. And all you have to do is reach for the Light. (see verses below).

The unfolding of your words gives light… Psalm 119:130

God is light. In him, there is no darkness at all. 1 John 1:5

You are my lamp, O Lord; the Lord turns my darkness into light. 2 Sam 22:29

I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life. John 8:12

The truth is that any darkness we fear cannot stand against light. It’s a law of nature perhaps, but it’s also the truth of God. Light dispels darkness. And you know what’s even better than that…? Nothing is faster than the speed of light my friends. Not in any sense. Just reach for the Light. The simple and complicated truth is this — the light of God can dispel the darkness that we fear at an unbeatable speed. It’s such a powerful truth. It screams HOPE into my dark day, because the light will always WIN my friends. {Fist bumps, high fives, happy dance…}

So the darkness. What is it? I would say it’s the absence of light. It’s as true in the rooms of your house as it is in your soul. Let’s go back to the beginning one last time… {Adam and Eve}

Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves. Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the Lord God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the Lord God among the trees of the garden. But the Lord God called to the man, “Where are you?”

He answered, “I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked, so I hid.” Gen 3:7-10

When Adam and Eve sinned, they ate from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. Before that moment, they didn’t know anything of spiritual darkness. Not the kind that whispers shame and fear and not enough. But the moment they disobeyed God and ate that fruit, their hearts were flooded with it. They no longer only knew good, they knew evil. They could see a darkness within. And guess what? Their first inclination was to HIDE. I don’t know about you, but I can relate to that. I hide my sin. My faults. My age spots and accumulating gray hairs. It’s like I’m trying to hide the dying parts of my soul just like Adam and Eve did all those years ago. They hid among the trees. I can’t help but think we’re not much different. Hiding out in the darkness. Sewing our own attempts at fig leaves to cover ourselves and hoping no one sees the truth about us.

This story is crazy right? But this story is about you and me. It’s OUR story. We live on this earth. Among all that was created by God. And we were made to have the light of God fill us. But sin changed all that. It brought darkness and death, veiled our eyes, and left a void this world cannot fill. But oh how we try, right? We take the physical things of this world (beauty, status, money, position, clothes, cars, gadgets) and try to squish them into the spot they were never meant to fill. We’ll be happy and content once we get this or have that or achieve this goal. But it’s never quite puts us over the top, does it? What we need to be FULL is to have hearts that see God again. It’s not a “what” question, but a WHO question.

God has a plan to restore this world and our souls and fill it with his light as he intended in the very beginning in creation. The answer is of course, Jesus. The lamb, the living water, the shepherd, the life, the LIGHT. The way it started, is very similar to the way it will all end.

And this is the part that BLOWS.MY.MIND.

At the end of all things…in Rev 21 when John is shown what is yet to come…he says he saw a new heaven and a new earth…and he saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem…and the loud voice from the throne says…

Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.

And when the angel carried him away in the Spirit and showed him the Holy City, Jerusalem…he says THIS:

I did not see a temple in the city, because the Lord God Almighty and the Lamb are its temple. The city does not need the sun or the moon to shine on it, for the glory of God gives it light, and the Lamb is its lamp. Rev 21:22-23

Did you catch that? There won’t be a SUN. Nope. Not necessary. BECAUSE THE GLORY OF GOD GIVES IT LIGHT AND THE LAMB IS ITS LAMP!!!

{Whoa.}

The sun that shines down on you right now, will one day be gone. Notta. No more. Because Jesus, JESUS…He is the Light and one day His glory and that of the Father be the only light necessary. Holy crap. {oops, sorry…I’m just a little excited about all this…} Jesus meant what he said in John 8:12…

I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.

One day he will be the LIGHT. Not only our spiritual light, but the only light the world will need. Rev 22:5 goes on to say again…

There will be no more night. They will not need the light of a lamp or the light of the sun, for the Lord God will give them light.

I don’t know about you, but this changes the sun I see today. Completely.

Just like in the Bible, God is telling us his plan to redeem us, to remove the darkness. He mirrors it for us in creation…in the sun we see every day. And it ALL points to Christ. THE LIGHT OF THE WORLD.

So where does this leave us, today? The word that comes to mind for me is HOPE. And I keep coming back to this verse…

I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life. John 8:12

John Piper preached on this verse. I just listened to it this morning. He said it’s a life changing verse…and it has something to do with the following and the havingTo follow Him means to HAVE him. If you follow him now, you will HAVE him always.

Yes, your sin will be brought into the light…and that is the very thing we’ve been trying to hide from the beginning. But the light doesn’t just expose our sin,

…it illuminates everything in it’s proper beauty…and that changes the way we see life. It changes our perspective, no matter the circumstances. It allows us to see the world in the light of Jesus. His light will help you bear the sorrows of darkness. He can be the lamp on our troubled paths. (all this fabulous-ness is paraphrased from John Piper’s message I Am the Light of the World).

My prayer for you, my prayer for myself even…is to run towards the light. It’s the only place our souls will be truly nourished and fulfilled. And one day, for those of us that follow Him, the light of His radiance and glory will be the very sun that will light our existence… it will fill our world and our soul just as it was intended from the very beginning. A-to the-MEN.

I say let’s go bask in the rays of the sun somewhere and ponder the light of the world …

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light thru the trees

Sometimes when I’m sitting outside I catch a glimpse of the sun peeking at me thru the trees. It’s one of my most favorite things in this world, this light shining thru trees thing. The moment it catches my eye, I take a deep breath and my heart smiles full and wide. And I’m reminded that God is here. Twinkling thru the seemingly big and small that surrounds us. Offering hope and light and enough to me right where I am.


It’s been quiet around here. I haven’t been writing much. Summer has been in full force, and we’ve been busy hitting the beach and riding bikes and sometimes even just lying around in the yard staring up at the trees. Planning some days, and going and doing, but mostly just trying to keep our kids content with the small things around here. 


I wish I could say that the craziness of summer is what’s kept me from writing. But of course, it’s never that simple, is it?

A month or so ago I got a call from Jennie Allen’s camp to share my anything story….to go live on a video podcast and answer a few questions about last year and all that God did for and in us when Derek fell ill. I remember being in shock when I first read the message. But I didn’t hesitate to say yes…which is surprising if you know me at all. 
 
Writing our story is hard enough for me, but opening my mouth and talking about it? Not my thing. But this story is God’s. So I said yes. And 24 hours later, I went on camera…in front of thousands…and really had no idea what I was even going to say. I had scattered thoughts written on a notebook paper… and I rambled in circles to myself all day and the words would just not come together. But I had friends praying for God to give me those words. Believing that if I was asked to do this to encourage just one soul out there, that the words I spoke would be the ones they needed to hear. 
 
And there I was, somehow calm and still without a real plan…waiting my turn to speak, waiting on the Holy Spirit, knowing the words would come. Crazy, right? Then something Jennie Allen said struck a chord in my heart. And one part of our story lit up within me and scripture came to mind and my mouth opened and words came out. 
 
Did it all make sense? Was it eloquent and perfect? Nope. But I truly believe the words I said came from God… so I will own them. I will own that whole moment in fact, even though I cringe when I see myself on camera and hear my own voice. I will own it because it was God’s thing. He asked me to do something crazy and laughable (because hello…me?) and I said yes.

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And then…after being inspired and awed and used by God…I shut down. I hid. I quit writing. I think I was afraid of what might come next. Lots of people starting visiting my blog. And my comfort zone was off the radar. To put it plainly, I’m my worst critic. I’m hard on myself about being out here. There are so many blogs and writers and talented people doing big things. I have hard time seeing where I fit into all that. I don’t want to “try” to do or be anything. I want to be me. 
 
The conclusion I’ve come to is that I don’t fit. I’m not a writer. I’m not a speaker. I’m just a girl. A wife. A mom. A child of God trying to follow where my God calls me. And for some reason, it’s here. To a keyboard late at night where I put words together and attempt to make sense of what God is doing in this heart and life of mine. And that, I can do. 

He fills in my empty spots, and I belong here writing because of Him. He makes me enoughI don’t need to fear the next big thing God asks me to do. Because just like the last time, He will give ALL that is needed, WHEN it is needed. 
 
He will shine that light of His thru those trees that I love so so much…and beam glory down onto the simple, imperfect and broken girl lying on the ground below. He whispers grace and gives words when I can’t seem to find any. 

He is the God that says…
 
“I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth.” Isaiah 42:16

He is the God that makes my rough places smooth. {Oh.thank.goodness}. 

never forget

The hubs and I went on a drive the other day. And wow. Sometimes it’s nice to just BE. Be together. Be alone. And by “alone” I mean there was still an infant child asleep behind us in his carseat {of course}. But it still counts as alone in our world. Sometimes the busy days and meetings and long hours and to do lists keep us from just being. It was a chance to breath together and sync our hearts once again and remember why and what and WHO these days are really all about.

We were listening to some worship music and before we knew it, Chris Tomlin’s “God of Angel Armies” was on. There are a lot of times I hear that song and it doesn’t prick my soul. I don’t go THERE. But yesterday was not one of those. Sometimes they’re just words we sing. Other times, they’re words that cut straight thru to our very hearts.

Have you ever noticed how quickly we forget what God has done for us? That’s something I’ve been learning on this journey of ours. It’s one of the things that I take with me and try to hold close. I see us, you know, each day… praying less, reading less, relying on Him less. Forgetting that we can walk side by side with God in the normal-est of days, with the same closeness and reliance as we did in the most desperate of times. He’s HERE you guys. Even in the every day. We just need to take a good look around.

Think about the Israelites. I never used to understand how fickle and self absorbed they could be. How could they forget the parting of the red sea? The manna from heaven??? Now I get it. I’m no different. I think that’s partly why God’s people made altars. You’ll find altars all over in the Bible. Mostly right after God did something big in the lives of His people. Sometimes He commanded them to do it. He knew they would need to remember. But I wonder if sometimes they did it on their own as well. Built an altar of remembrance and NAMED it.

We never stopped and stacked stones the many times God came thru big for us last year. We made a photo book and wrote posts on our caring bridge and blog. Never Forget. I think that’s what we’d name our altar. The words that line the binding of the coffee table book we made documenting last year.

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There are lyrics and verses and photos and words that are written on our souls now. And there are days we unknowingly stumble across them and we’re taken back and we REMEMBER. Just like the Israelites. What God did. Who God was to us in that time. WHO HE STILL IS. Who He wants to be for us in the every day, even still. These altars take us to a real place. To the cross of our lives. Where we meet our Savior and are changed again. And again. And again. And we retell pieces of this story and God is glorified. And we are brought to our knees. And somehow this life makes sense again. That IS an altar, isn’t it?

“What it takes to build an altar are really just broken things.” Rocks maybe. Or maybe it’s the tree you planted when your grandma died. Or the song that reminds one of my best friends of the dear sweet brother she lost all those years ago. “You can take the hard and broken things and arrange them before the Lord”… and use it as a place to grow and reflect and stand in awe of Him and how He brought you thru. “Or you can drag the rocks around and allow yourself to be burdened by them.” (rephrased from an article I read by Jack Hayford on altars)

So yesterday it was a song. These words:

whom shall I fear…nothing formed against me shall stand…you hold the whole world in your hands…the God of angel armies is by my side…the one who reigns forever, He is a friend of MINE…I know who goes before me…I know who stands behind. (by Chris Tomlin, God of Angel Armies)

We held hands. Not just strolling thru the parking lot or sitting in the car mindlessly holding hands either. It’s like our souls were holding hands on that drive. We held back the tears and sang, or I did at least, and talked about what we were doing at this time last year. How we had just learned about his heart condition… how he had just got out of the hospital (for the second time)… how he had started IV antibiotics and felt trapped and like he would never taste life again… how one time we had to drop in at a dear friend’s house and hang his the IV bag from their ceiling fan so he could get his meds on time. {Funny now…but at the time, not so much}. How he sat in THAT chair…for weeks. And the kids would fight over who would carry him the tray of food because he could barely walk or stand or make it to the bathroom without help… and how he had constant aching and night sweats and day sweats and would have to change clothes every half hour for months. How he was almost brought to tears every time he passed by a mirror and could see what his body had become.

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Derek, his IV, the chair, and the scary drapes that came with our new house.

But eventually, we peeked our heads out. We continued to try to play our hand in life. The body starting healing. The rest came in time. And yes, those scary curtains eventually came down too. We had to humble ourselves, in many ways, and let the scary drapes of our circumstances hang for everyone to see. We couldn’t hide them. We weren’t supposed to.

We had a baby shower…

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We had a BABY.

We made funny faces and tried to act like it wasn’t a big deal to be in a hospital again. We tried our best to be “normal” and not think about the big surgery looming ahead for him. At least for the moment he wasn’t the patient, I was.

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We had a birthday party for Rig. Probably a week after the baby came and my c-section…and a week or two before Derek’s big surgery. Crazy. But necessary. We chose to keep living. Even though most of the time we were ready to crawl back in bed and hide under the covers.

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We watched people play with our kids. And eventually we started playing too. We went to t-ball games. Derek was winded and dizzy, but we did our best to get out there.

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We sent the kids outside with Papa Dan and let him drive them thru the yard and woods on the top of his old truck. We let them be kids.

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I think for us, this remembering…has to include the hard AND the good. It’s all part of what God did in us. So yes, it’s good sometimes to stop by the altar of remembrance and stand in awe of this God of ours. To wipe the smudges off our perspectives and SEE Him again.

I’m thankful that we’ve moved forward and don’t have these conversations too too often. We don’t live in the past, I promise. But when we pass by the altar and God invites us back to where He’s taken us…we slow down for a few hours and take it ALL in. And we get a good look at this God of ours.

I was reading Psalm 77 this morning. The writer is crying out for help…in distress. But then in verse 10…

“To this I will appeal: the years of the right hand of the Most High. I will remember the deeds of the Lord; yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago. I will meditate on all your works and consider all your deeds.”

[i.will.remember.]